Friendship Skills

Friendship skills are the everyday actions and words that help kids make friends, keep friends, and be a good friend.

Reading is good — doing is better. Practice Friendship skills as an interactive lesson.

Definition

Friendship skills are the things you say and do to build caring relationships with other people. They include how you meet new people, how you treat friends kindly, how you handle disagreements, and how you show you care. Good friendship skills help everyone feel safe, happy, and included.

Remember the rule

THINK before you speak or act: Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

Key words

Kindness: Doing or saying something nice that makes another person feel good.
Empathy: Trying to understand how someone else is feeling, like putting yourself in their shoes.
Cooperation: Working together with someone to get something done.
Respect: Treating others the way you want to be treated, even if they are different from you.
Apology: Saying you are sorry and meaning it when you have hurt someone.
Active listening: Paying full attention when someone is talking — eyes on them, ears open, mouth quiet.
Compromise: When two people each give a little so both can be happy with the answer.
Include: Making sure no one is left out of a game, group, or conversation.

Worked examples

You want to play with a kid at recess who you don't know. What do you do?

→ Walk up, smile, and say: 'Hi, my name is Maya. Can I play with you?' Use a friendly voice and make eye contact. · Starting with your name and a question gives the other person an easy way to say yes.

Your friend is upset because she lost her crayons. What do you say?

→ Say: 'I'm sorry that happened. That sounds really frustrating. Do you want help look for them?' Then actually help look. · Naming her feeling (frustrated) shows empathy and makes her feel understood.

You and your friend both want to be the leader of the game. What do you do?

→ Suggest taking turns: 'You be leader first for five minutes, then I get a turn.' This is a compromise. · Compromising keeps the game going and both friends feeling fair.

You accidentally bump into your classmate and knock his blocks over. What do you do?

→ Stop, look at him, and say: 'I'm really sorry, that was an accident. Let me help you rebuild it.' Then help. · A real apology has three parts: say sorry, say what happened, and fix it if you can.

A classmate is sitting alone at lunch and looks sad. What could you do?

→ Walk over and say: 'Hi, do you want to sit with us?' Smile and scoot over to make room. · Including someone who looks left out is one of the kindest friendship skills you can use.

Your friend keeps talking while you are trying to tell a story. How do you handle it?

→ Wait for a pause, then say calmly: 'I wasn't finished yet — can I finish my story?' Use a calm, not angry, voice. · Speaking up for yourself with calm words is better than getting mad or staying silent and feeling bad.

Common mistakes

Waiting for friends to always come to you instead of taking the first step to say hello.
Saying 'sorry' but then doing the same hurtful thing again — a real apology means trying to change.
Leaving someone out on purpose or only playing with one person and ignoring everyone else.
Interrupting or not listening when a friend is talking, which makes them feel unimportant.
Using mean words or name-calling when you are frustrated instead of saying how you feel.

FAQs

What if I say hello to someone and they ignore me? Does that mean I did something wrong?

No! Sometimes people are shy, having a bad day, or just didn't hear you. Try again another time or find someone else to talk to. It is not your fault.

How do I know if someone wants to be my friend?

Look for signs like: they smile at you, they save you a seat, they want to play the same games, or they look happy when you come over. If you are not sure, just keep being kind and friendly.

What if a friend does something that hurts my feelings?

Tell them how you feel using an 'I message': say 'I felt sad when you said that' instead of 'You are mean.' Most of the time, your friend did not mean to hurt you and will want to fix it.

Is it okay to have more than one best friend?

Absolutely! You can have lots of good friends. No rule says friendship has to be between only two people. The more kindness you share, the more friendships can grow.

What if I feel nervous talking to new kids?

That is totally normal — almost everyone feels nervous at first. Take a slow breath, think of one simple thing to say like 'I like your backpack,' and go for it. The nervous feeling gets smaller every time you try.

What should I do if someone is being left out on purpose by a group?

Be brave and be an upstander. Go sit or stand with the person who is left out and invite them into your activity. You do not have to fix everything, but one kind action can make a huge difference.

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